Big Bang Kinky Fun Time
by LadyHouston
Summary: Another collection of drabbles, this time from a fun and kinky perspective. Featuring parings from all over the BBT ship fandom. I will warn you in the chapter titles about the paring so you don't have to read one you're not comfortable with. Very M rated
1. The Red Vine Divergence SheldonPenny

**The Red Vine Divergence**

"I'm telling you, Sheldon. Twizzlers beat Red Vines any day!" Penny told Sheldon as she sat back on the sofa.

"Twizzlers beat Red Vi- Would you listen to yourself?" Sheldon answered in shock. "In what universe does the waxy, flavorless taste of Twizzlers outclass the perfection that is Red Vines?"

"I'm sorry, but you're not going to change my mind. You might as well give up now." She threw her hands up dismissively.

"Sheldon Cooper does not give up." He walked over to the sofa from where he was standing at his whiteboard and grabbed Penny's wrist.

"What are you doing?" Penny asked, curiously. The firm grip on her wrist made her stomach drop and she licked her lips without thinking.

"I'm going to show you just how much better Red Vines are than Twizzlers." He sneered at the last word and pulled her off of the sofa toward his bedroom.

"Why are we going to your room?" Penny asked in anticipation. She wasn't sure what she was hoping for. She cursed her recent dry spell in her own bedroom. Sheldon didn't answer as they made their way through the doorway. He sat her down on the foot of his bed and turned around rifling through his closet. All sorts of naughty thoughts ran through Penny's head, but she shook them loose. This was Sheldon, after all. Sure enough, he turned around with about ten boxes of Red Vines in his arms.

"What are you going to do with those?"

"We are going to go through each of these boxes until you admit Red Vines are better."

"Nope. I don't want to and you can't make me."

Sheldon glared at her. "How can you make such a statement as the one you declared in the living room without even trying a Red Vine? Go on, have one."

"No."

"Try one!" he repeated more firmly.

"You'll have to tie me up and force me before I'd try one." Penny's eyes widened. She had no idea why she said that.

Sheldon looked down dejectedly. "Very well. Have it your way."

Penny smirked victoriously. She loved it when she won an argument with Sheldon. She sat quietly and watched Sheldon fiddle with the Red Vines. She noticed he was tying them together into a long rope. She thought for a moment that he was trying to make one super long Red Vine for his eating pleasure but then she frowned as she noticed he had made several long Red Vine ropes. She then remembered the last thing she said to him.

"Sheldon, what are you doing?" He didn't answer her as he tied the final knot, checking to make sure it was strong. He then grabbed Penny's wrist again and pulled her up and sat her closer to his headboard. "Sheldon?"

He still didn't say anything as he pushed her shoulders back, gently forcing her to lie down on the bed. He grabbed her arm and tied one of the Red Vines around her wrist. Penny was in too much shock to resist and just watched as he tied the other end of the candy rope around the vertical bar that attached the headboard to the bed. He silently and deliberately moved to the other side of the bed and did the same to her other arm. Sheldon stepped back too look at his handy work.

A small amount of reality seeped into Penny's shocked brain and she lifted her arms to try to break free. Even though she tried, she couldn't seem to work her arms loose. How the hell did he do that with candy?

"As you can see," Sheldon finally spoke, his voice deeper tinged with a hint of passion. "Red Vines are strong. Had I used Twizzlers, the waxy coating would have caused the rope to slip free with the slightest bit of resistance."

Penny couldn't answer. She couldn't think. Here she was lying on Sheldon's bed tied up with candy as he stared down at her coldly. When Sheldon made a sudden move toward her, her breath hitched. He climbed on top of her, straddling her legs and holding her down. She couldn't move if she tried. Although the weird thing was, she didn't try. Not even when Sheldon unbuttoned her blouse and pulled it open. His long fingers traced the top of her bra before gripping the edges and roughly pulling it down, exposing her breasts above it. The stretched bra forced her breasts up and her nipples pointed toward the ceiling. Sheldon reached behind him while still straddling her legs and took out another Red Vine. Turning back he looked at her while he sucked on the end of the candy. Her breath became ragged and her stomach tied in knots as she looked into Sheldon's eyes. He was as cool and as calculative as ever. Damn him. She was not going to let him win this one.

"Sheldon," she started but she was interrupted by his mouth on hers. He didn't begin the kiss shyly and he was already thrusting his tongue into her mouth feeling his way around. She kissed him back passionately, tasting the Red Vine he had been sucking on. Although she wouldn't admit that she liked it, she was going to enjoy every second of this side of Sheldon. He leaned into her and Penny could feel his hardness sticking out of his pants and digging in between her legs. So, she was having an effect on him after all. Their lips parted and Sheldon sat back.

"So how does it taste?"

"How does what taste?" She answered back, coyly.

Sheldon frowned and put the Red Vine back into his mouth. After it was sufficiently wet, he took the Red Vine and traced it around and over her nipple lightly. She gasped at the contact and she felt the warm wet spot spread in her panties. After a few minutes of running the candy over her areola he leaned down again and took the tip of her breast into his mouth, sucking up the residual flavor. Penny let out a moan against her will. Sheldon traced his tongue around her breast and made his way to the other side. He played with her nipple until it was as erect as the other. She moved her head from side to side, breathing in rapidly and letting out an occasional moan.

When Sheldon suddenly moved back, she let out a small noise of frustration. The tall Texan let his knees rest in between her legs and pushed them apart with his own. Penny yelped in pleasurable surprise. She tried not to wiggle in anticipation as his hands went to the buttons on her shorts. He delicately undid the row of buttons and curled his hands around the top of her shorts and her panties. Penny held her breath in anticipation as Sheldon moved out of the way so he could pull her bottoms down her legs. She lay naked and exposed and very turned on. He stood up and carefully folded her clothes and put them on his dresser. He ate the rest of the Red Vine while she shivered, though she wasn't sure if it was because she was cold or because she wanted him so badly.

Sheldon pulled another Red Vine out of its box and crawled back on the bed working Penny's legs apart again and sitting between her knees. He trailed the candy up and down her thighs while she whimpered and finally moved the vine to stop at her opening. He lightly moved it up and down her vagina and she bit her lip and whined.

"Oh God!" She said out loud as he moved the Red Vine into her slit. Her hips bucked as he slid the red candy in and out.

"Red Vines are thick have clearly defined ridges, unlike Twizzlers. I'm sure you wouldn't gain nearly as much pleasure from the reedy excuse for candy as you are from this." Sheldon spoke as if he were trying to tell her about quantum mechanics.

He stopped just as suddenly as he started and moved up to match her hips with his. He pulled his clothes off in a hurry and entered her with a sudden thrust. He growled and she yelled in ecstasy. They began to move together, slowly at first, but quickly picking up the pace. A mixture of grunts and moans and names filled the air as Sheldon's thrusting became more frantic. Penny's breathing grew erratic and she perched on the edge of orgasm. Her vision became dim and she felt herself tighten around him and she was ready to burst.  
But then he was gone. He slid out of her quickly and she cried out in frustration. He sat back between her legs and held her legs apart. She tried her best to pull her legs back together, hoping one more touch would send her over the edge, but he held her tightly.

"Don't make me tie your legs as well," Sheldon said his voice gravelly. His words echoed in her head and her muscles clinched again thinking about it, but she slowly relaxed. She was still so close to coming. He moved back on top of her, taking care not to disturb anything between her legs.

"Oh God, please Sheldon, please!"

He picked up the Red Vine that had been inside her and held it to her mouth.

"Just taste it."

She clamped her lips shut and moved her head to the side. Sheldon smirked.

"Fine," he breathed. He lifted himself off of her and once again held her legs apart. While Penny felt like she was going mad with desire, Sheldon just sat there looking at her.

"Sheldon, please?"

"Taste it."

"Please!"

"Taste it."

"Fine!" she practically screamed.

Sheldon smiled as he slid back on top of her and held the Red Vine to her mouth. She slowly opened her mouth and allowed him to slip the candy in. She clamped her mouth down around it and sucked on it, moaning in pleasure. Sheldon's eyes widened and he clinched his jaw when she looked at him through hooded lids. He slid the candy back out of her mouth when she took a bite.

"How is it?" Sheldon finally managed when he got his voice back under control.

"It's…amazing." Her eyes flashed at him.

"Better than Twizzlers?" He smirked.

"Much better." She sighed and he smiled.

The Red Vine lay forgotten on the bed as he thrust back into her. It was all it took to make her body and mind explode in ecstasy.

~~~~~~~~~~  
"I'm going down to the store. Does anyone need anything?" Leonard asked as he pulled on his hooded jacket.

Sheldon stood up from the chair at his desk and pulled out some money from his wallet. "Would you please pick a box of Red Vines for me? I included extra cash so you can get an additional box for Penny."

"Penny?" Leonard looked over to the blonde sitting on the sofa watching America's Top Model. "I thought you liked Twizzlers."

"Yes," Sheldon answered for her, arrogantly. "Well, it took some convincing, but I think she's seen the light. Wouldn't you agree Penny?"

Penny looked at him with his big dumb grin and thought back to a few weeks ago when he "convinced" her. She was still slightly peeved that he'd won that night. She looked at Sheldon trying to wipe that smug look off of his face with her eyes.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she replied.


	2. The Suggestive Experimentation LPS

**The Suggestive Experimentation**

He couldn't believe this was really happening. His two best friends were about to have sex right there in front of him! And he was in charge!

He suspected foul play when Sheldon and Howard were working together and when he discovered their prototype for a machine that controlled the mind, he couldn't wait to test it out.

So now, in his bedroom, on his bed, were Sheldon and Penny, two of the most beautiful people he knew in real life, naked and kissing. Leonard sat back in the chair that he placed at the end of the bed ready to command.

"Cup her breast, Sheldon." Leonard tried to sound commanding and in charge, but his voice faltered with excitement. It didn't seem to matter how authoritative he sounded because Sheldon lifted his hand and cupped Penny's breast. Penny let out a moan of excitement.

Leonard learned quickly that Sheldon and Penny were still themselves, not mindless robots. They were, however, very open to suggestion.

"Lay her down gently and lick her," Leonard said softly.

Sheldon did as Leonard said. He hesitated only a moment before tracing his tongue across her lips and trailing down her cheek, to her jaw, her chest and around her breasts and then followed the line of her belly down to her clit. She gasped and held the pillow behind her head as Sheldon's tongue flicked up and down.

Touching himself, Leonard breathed in excitement wondering how Sheldon knew how to do these things. He allowed Sheldon to continue while he watched Penny's back arch in pleasure and he started to stroke his cock imagining Penny's lips on them. And that brought another idea in mind.

"Penny, why don't you suck Sheldon off?"

Penny let out a whimper of disappointment, but then smiled. "Why don't I?" she said hungrily and pushed Sheldon onto his back. She sat down in between Sheldon's legs and started to lift his penis into her mouth.

"Wait." Leonard had another idea. "I didn't tell you to stop pleasuring Penny."

They looked at Leonard, confused for a moment, but soon Penny realized what he meant. She straddled Sheldon and then turned around until they were in the sixty-nine position. It was a little difficult due to height difference, but Sheldon lifted his head to meet her and Penny pulled on Sheldon until she could fit him into her mouth.

Leonard's masturbation became more intense as he watched them pleasure each other. All three were close to climax when Leonard yelled at them all to stop. Silence filled the air as Leonard stood up and walked toward Penny and Sheldon.

"Fuck him," he told Penny, his voice stronger and more commanding. Penny smiled again as she, without twisting around mounted the taller man. Sheldon yelled out through clinched jaws as she started to ride him. Leonard stepped onto the bed and stood in front of Penny. He didn't even have to say anything before Penny pulled his cock into her mouth and sucked.

His brain felt as if it were going to explode. He closed his eyes, but the image of the three of him on his bed, Penny in between them was enough to make him come. He yelled out in pleasure as she swallowed every drop and just then Sheldon, who had been watching, thrust into her hard and they both climaxed.

All three of them moved onto the bed, spooning each other as they all caught their breath.

Leonard thought for a fleeting moment before drifting off to sleep that he had to remember to thank Howard.


	3. Love In A Dressing Room SheldonPenny

**Love In a Dressing Room**

Penny's jaw dropped as Sheldon stepped out of the dressing room. This was the first time she'd seen him dressed in clothes that didn't look like something his mother picked out. And he looked good. Damn good.

Sheldon looked down, embarrassed at his monotone black suit. "This is absurd. I look like a clown," he snipped.

Once again, Sheldon Cooper ruined the moment by opening his mouth. Still, she had to admit he looked sexy in that stripey tie she told him to pair with the back shirt.

"Can I take this off now?" He asked.

"Only if you let me help," she replied before she could stop herself.

Sheldon threw her a confused look which turned to surprise as she stalked toward him. She grabbed his tie and pushed him back into the dressing room. Sheldon was now in a panic.

"Penny? Penny what are you doing?" he shrieked when she loosened his tie and dragged it over his head, mussing up his hair. Penny's eyes darkened and she licked her lips. She always liked seeing Sheldon a little worse for wear. It made him seem more human.

In his panic, Sheldon put up little resistance to Penny's confrontation. She quickly and expertly unbuttoned his trousers and let them drop. Trying not to look at his tighty whities, she let her own pants fall to the floor.

"Take off your underwear," She growled.

Sheldon stood stock still and wide eyed. Penny rolled her eyes and pulled down his briefs. He wasn't fully erect, but he was getting there so she decided to help it along. She crushed her mouth to his in an effort to illicit some sort of response. Only a few seconds passed before Sheldon snapped out of his stupor and reacted. He grabbed her head and pushed her closer to him, turning them both around so that her back was up against the wall. That was more like it.

Penny wrapped her legs around Sheldon's hips and he used his body to push her more firmly to the wall. Both parties gasped as Penny grabbed Sheldon's cock and pushed it into her. They were still for a second, looking at each other and panting, until Penny began to rock her hips. Both of them moved together, frantically kissing and fucking trying their hardest not to make the noises they were both dying to make.

The moved together, each thrust quicker and harder than the last, until a simultaneous orgasm swept over them both, their mouths closing on one another's, swallowing any screams that threatened to escape their throats. Finally, when their heart rates and breathing returned to a more normal pace they broke apart.

"Get that one," Penny said, breathlessly. "Definitely get that one."

"I suppose," Sheldon answered in a gravelly tone. "But if I was wearing the white suit, this would have been an exponentially more pleasurable experience."


	4. A Lesson in Laundry SheldonPenny

**A Lesson In Laundry**

Sheldon looked at Penny's basket which sat on the table next to his. Shirts, socks, underwear, shorts and dresses were thrown into the hamper, nothing folded properly. He picked up a shirt in disgust.

"Is this really any way to treat a perfectly good cotton/poly blend? If you would fold your clothes properly, you wouldn't have to bother me in the mornings, disrupting my routine might I add, looking for an iron." Penny sat on top of a washing machine, allowing her feet to kick the sides. Sheldon gave up on asking her to stop long ago.

She looked up from her romance novel and rolled her eyes at her neighbor. "What's wrong this time?" she said without really caring.

"Well, to begin with, your sorting technique is all wrong. At the very least, you should be separating your clothes into lights, darks, brights, whites, delicates..."

His voice drifted to the back of her mind as she tuned him out. She stared at his jaw moving up and down in an effort to at least look like she's paying attention. Once again, she became hypnotized by its movements. He had a very strong jaw line and a delicate neck. His movements, everything he did was so graceful. She wondered if he was graceful in other areas as she tried to ignore the fact that she had just been reading a particularly erotic scene in her novel.

"Is there anything you can't do?" she interrupted him suddenly.

Sheldon looked at her, puzzled and slightly annoyed. "Certainly. I can't fly. At least not yet. I can't turn my skin inside out. I can't –"

"I mean is there anything you're not good at."

"Oh. Well, I suppose I'm not very good at football. Nor have I ever been an expert on pop culture. I certainly wouldn't even attempt a triathlon –"

"What about sex?" Penny blurted out.

Penny was certain she saw a moment of fear in Sheldon's eyes, but she blinked and if it was ever there, it was gone now. Just plain old Sheldon.

"I'm not entirely certain," he stated as if he were telling her about the chicken he ate earlier that day. "I've only ever engaged in coitus once. It wasn't a particularly pleasurable experience and I didn't really ever ask for any feedback. I have occasionally wondered if sexual prowess is something Homo Novus would excel in, but to be honest, I really never felt the urge to experiment."

"I have a proposition to make." Penny looked at Sheldon through hooded eyes. She wasn't sure why she was doing this. Maybe it was the book, maybe it was his graceful apathy, maybe it was the vibrating machine under her. Whatever it was, she decided to push forward. Sheldon looked at her with cold eyes. "If I promise to follow your laundry instructions, would you allow me to be your experiment?"

"Experiment in what?" Sheldon asked, blankly.

Penny decided to let that one pass, probably due to anticipation. "Sex. You and me. We have sex and I give you a critique."

Sheldon's eyes widened and though his voice was smooth and calculating, she detected a hint of excitement and panic. "Here? Now?"

She shrugged. "I'm game, if you are."

There was a long silence and Penny could almost see the blinking lights and circuits in his head trying to work this one out.

"Penny?" Sheldon asked in a quiet and boyish tone she only heard him use a few times. "If I agree, would we still be friends?" He looked at her sincerely.

Her heart seemed to reach out to him across the room at that moment. "Aww, Sweetie, of course we would. It's only an experiment. If you don't want to, there's no pressure at all. I was just curious."

Sheldon's expression returned to its original indifference. "I'm mildly curious as well. I guess if it doesn't hurt our current relationship paradigm, I don't see why we can't…experiment." His voice lowered and his eyes became harder when he spoke the last word. A tingle of excitement travelled down her spine. Sheldon dropped the panties he was folding and walked toward her, determination in his stride. Penny wiggled around trying to get comfortable.

He wasted no time, he wasn't timid and shy like she thought he'd be. He put his hands on her thighs and immediately put his lips on hers. His kiss was soft, exploring hers as he tried to get his bearings. She responded softly occasionally flicking the tip of her tongue over his lips. He did the same for her. When their tongues met Penny opened her mouth wider, allowing him to explore further. His kiss deepened. She lightly bit down on his lower lip as he pulled away for air. A soft moan betrayed his feelings. He returned to her mouth, crushing hers with his own as he massaged her thighs. This time she broke away looking up and sighing while she felt moisture spreading on her panties. Sheldon wasted no time and began to trail kisses from her chin, down her jawline and onto her neck, gently nipping every so often. This time, Penny moaned.

As Sheldon's kisses fell below her neckline toward her chest, she ran her hands through his short hair, feeling what strands she could grip between her fingers. He lifted one of his hands from her thighs and pulled the strap from her tank top down over her shoulders and licked her skin as far down her chest as he could with her shirt still on. He then lifted the other hand off of her thigh and in one quick motion peeled off her shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra this evening, so she sat facing Sheldon bare chested. She expected him to back down or freeze up, but he just looked at her with hunger in his eyes. She melted and her wet spot grew.

Sheldon's hands went back to her thighs, only this time he massaged her inner thighs and spread her legs wider. He continued licking her chest and made his way to nipple. With his head at an awkward angle, he flicked her left nipple with his tongue and Penny set in a sharp breath. Sheldon trailed a circle around her nipple and then lightly sucked the tip. A slight pop sounded as he finished sucking. Looking up at her with crystal blue eyes through long lashes, he blew on her wet nipple. Penny bit down on her lip and let out a whimper, tightening her grip on his hair.

"Sheldon," she whispered shakily. "Please…"

"Please what?" He asked, his tone cool but full of tension. He had a half smirk on his face and Penny knew he was toying with her. For some reason this made her want him even more.

"Please fuck me," she answered, her voice stronger.

Sheldon shrugged and pulled off his shirts and then proceeded to tear off of her skirt and underwear with such force, he nearly ripped the cloth. Penny unzipped Sheldon's khaki pants. She knew he wore tighty whities and wasn't particularly keen on getting an eyeful of them. Instead, she worked his penis out of his Y fronts and through his unzipped fly. Sheldon groaned and Penny felt him grow hard in her hands. The sound of his arousal caused Penny to move her hands up and down his shaft. Sheldon grabbed her thighs again, much more forcefully and she gasped in pleasurable pain. His lips crashed into hers as he climbed up onto the washing machine with her.

It was an awkward climb, but he was tall enough to get a good perch. She let go of his dick and steadied herself as he forced her to lie down across the machines. Once she was sure Sheldon was steady, she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips, forcing him down on top of her. Sheldon gripped the machines on either side of her head hoping they wouldn't tip over. With a shaky breath, he ran his cock up and down her vagina and she begged him again to fuck her. He found his opening with his tip and slowly entered her and both let out a simultaneous moan.

He started off slowly, feeling his way and gauging her reaction. When Penny's legs tightened around him, he picked up his pace, panting from the effort of both the sex and the balancing act on the washing machines. A bead of sweat dripped down his nose and onto her shoulder. He tried not to think of the germs and instead looked at Penny, her face flushed and her eyes closed in ecstasy. Seeing her like this, beneath him caused him to grind harder and faster in and out of her and her moans got louder. Their pace became even faster and their bones knocked together with sheer force as he tried to get as deep inside of her as he could.

"Oh God! Sheldon! Yes!" She cried and he felt her tighten around him as she came, her head rolling side to side. The sight of her made his stomach tighten and he became close to orgasm himself. Suddenly, Penny tightened her legs around him and forced his hips to slam into her. With that, Sheldon no longer had control and he felt the world fall from under them. Partly out of exhaustion and partly out of fear of falling, he collapsed on top of Penny. They lay panting for a moment, Penny's relaxed body feeling his weight on her, keeping her warm.

"In case you're wondering," Penny said in a husky voice, her throat raw from shouting. "That…was awesome. And I mean that in the truest sense of the word."

As they both worked on catching their breath, one of the machines started rocking violently. Sheldon clumsily jumped down to the ground and Penny sat up quickly. Bubbles started spilling out from the sides of the machine lid and ran down to the floor. Sheldon looked up at Penny, a look of disbelief on his face. She looked back at him, embarrassed.

"I may have used too much soap." She whispered.

Sheldon raised an eyebrow and cleared his throat. "Don't think you're getting out of those laundry lessons."


	5. Secrets SheldonLeonard

**Secrets**

Sheldon and Penny sat on the couch together, laptops on laps. They were alone in the apartment since Leonard went out on a date. Sheldon was in a pissy mood and Penny was pretty sure it was because she interrupted his alone time with Age of Conan questions. She didn't particularly care, however and stayed anyway. She continued to battle evil minions while Sheldon tapped away at his keyboard, probably writing some physics article about stringy cohesions or something like that.

He was actually typing pretty fast and she had to sneak a peek at the screen to see if he was really typing English or if he was simply tapping on the keys for the hell of it. She started to go back her game when the word "penis" caught her eye. She tried to keep her curiosity as subtle as possible as she glanced sidelong at his screen.

Superman forced Batman down to his knees, and vehemently articulated that the Dark Knight look at his now unsheathed penis.

Penny's eyes widened. "Holy crap on a cracker!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. Sheldon glanced at Penny wondering what was wrong with the game this time when he noticed that Penny was staring at his screen. In a flash, Sheldon snapped shut his laptop and leaped up from the couch, twitching all over. Penny covered her mouth with her hand. She wasn't sure what to say or even what to think. Sheldon finally found his voice, although it was shaky. His shriek reminded her of the time she found his letters from his memaw and he told her to put them down.

"Tell no one."

It was half a command and half plead. Penny didn't know what to say or think. What did this mean? Was Sheldon gay? Does he just do this out of sexual frustration? Is it just because he has a thing for superheroes?

Then it hit her.

Batman and Superman. Not Batman and Robin, not Superman and Lois Lane. Batman and Superman. She thought back to all the times that Sheldon referenced himself as Batman and that Leonard mentioned Superman.

"Sheldon," she said carefully as she let her hand fall down from her mouth. "Do you…are you… Are you attracted to Leonard?"

Sheldon's eyes went from harsh to pained. His eyes widened and for the first time, she saw Sheldon was at her mercy.

"Please," he said in a barely audible whisper. "Don't tell him."

Her jaw dropped upon hearing him say it, but she saw his expression become more unstable. She drew a shaky breath.

"I won't say a word, Sweetie, I promise."

Sheldon looked slightly relieved as he pulled back his shoulders and tried to walk out of the room with some dignity. When Penny heard his bedroom door close she let out the breath she'd been holding. Things were going to get much more interesting around here.


	6. The Nyotaimori Objectification SP

**The Nyotaimori Objectification**

Howard squealed in delight, his body shaking with anticipation. Penny, the cheesecake scented goddess from apartment 4B, lay on the table in front of him. Naked.

Sushi covered her body in a symmetrical pattern and she looked like a priceless and exquisite piece of art as she stared, motionless, at the ceiling. When Sheldon told him about Nyotaimori, or the art of female body presentation through the use of food, Howard knew immediately what he wanted to do for his birthday.

And now here he was, the object of his dreams lying in front of him, waiting for him to uncover her body bit by bit.

"Does anyone else think this is very weird?" Leonard asked, his whiney voice breaking the silence.

"Though I do find the idea of eating food off of a person's body to be a terrifyingly disgusting prospect, I appreciate the atmosphere and the cultural significance. In fact, I have decided for the sake of experience and because of the fact that the models bathe thoroughly, I will join in today's festivities. Happy birthday, Howard." Sheldon lifted his chop sticks and plucked up the first piece of sushi from Penny's stomach.

The other three looked at Sheldon in surprise, but oddly enough, the fact that someone like Sheldon could partake in this kind of activity helped them to relax and enjoy what the restaurant – and Penny – had to offer.

As the others slowly let their guard down and began eating and laughing and drinking, Sheldon sat back and contemplated the situation. He was curious as to whether or not it was strange for Penny to lay still for hours on end while others conversed around her. He pondered on her thoughts as men and women used her as flatware or drooled over her while she stared straight ahead. He also wondered if she ever gained any pleasure from these frequent sexually charged encounters.

"So, who's gonna take the last piece," Howard asked hesitantly.

They all looked around at each other. The final piece of sushi lay temptingly and frighteningly between Penny's legs hiding her most private area.

"You know, I'm full. You go ahead," Leonard answered, obviously nervous.

Howard stared at him like a deer in the headlights. "I just remembered, I'm watching my figure. You think this hotness just happens by itself? Go ahead, Raj." Raj gave Howard a frightened look and shook his head furiously, suddenly relapsing into mutism.

All eyes landed on Sheldon. "It amazes me, sometimes, your lack of commitment to the experience. Here we are at a restaurant, famous for its extremely high quality Sushi and its unusual, but tasteful ambiance and you three decide to forgo the last piece due to some embarrassment based on biological desires? Shame on you." He shook his head.

"Fine, Sheldon," Howard answered, slightly pissed off. "If you don't have a problem with, you do it. I bet you wouldn't even put that piece in your mouth due to some sort of whacked out germaphobic issue." He dared Sheldon with a stare.

Sheldon was avoiding that piece for the very reason Howard described, but after the cricket fiasco of '09, he refused to give in to the tiny Jew. Thinking he could kill two birds with one stone, he placed his chopsticks neatly on his napkin and stood up, facing Penny. He leaned over her and put his head down next to the final piece of sushi lying on her body and clasped his hands behind his back. Without warning he scooped the piece up with his tongue, making sure he licked within the crevices between her legs, and lifted the sushi into his mouth. Penny gave a small moan and shivered. Sheldon closed his eyes and enjoyed the flavor of the final bite¸ ignoring the looks of shock from his friends.

~~~~~~

Although it wasn't the first time Sheldon Cooper was banned from a restaurant due to his behavior, it was the first time the word "unsanitary" was listed among his offenses.


	7. Computers, Sex and Greek SheldonLeslie

**Computers, Sex and Greek**

"Oh yeah? Well…you…smell bad!" Sheldon looked at the woman that had been the bane of his existence since she first started at Caltech five years ago. He immediately felt bad that he said it. She didn't actually smell bad, quite pleasant actually, but every time she called him "dumbass" he lost all sense of decency.

They stood in front of his desk, facing each other. Earlier, she had barged in nagging him about computer time. He decided to ignore her, but somehow she wormed her way into the forefront of his thoughts.

"Hey, you're getting pretty good at comebacks." Leslie answered with a sideways grin.

"Really?" he asked almost proud of himself despite the cruelty of his retort.

"Nope." She looked up at him with a smug look. His face contorted in anger and she couldn't help herself. "Dumbass," she added.

Stepping closer, Sheldon looked down at her, a fierce look in his eyes and for a second Leslie was afraid he was going to hit her. He may be a weakly nerd, but his size was intimidating. She was only worried for a second, however. If she knew anything about Dr. Dumbass it was that he was not the kind of guy who went around punching women. She had to admit though; he was pretty cute when he was angry. She was sure that his now virile demeanor was eliciting some sort of response of oxytocin pouring into the cerebrospinal fluid causes spontaneous reactions to the receptors in her hypothalamus and spinal cord. Leslie had never been one to ignore her biological needs, so she climbed up onto his desk, pulled him closer and kissed him square on the lips.

Sheldon's face started to twitch. He had no idea what the social protocol was in this sort of situation. But this was Leslie Winkle and he couldn't let her know that. If he let her see that he was in anyway ignorant, she'd never let him live it down. So, he forced the twitch away and kissed her back with as much fervor as he could muster.

She almost smiled, shocked that he actually responded. She always thought he was some sort of sexless alien abandoned on earth by his own kind due to his dumbassery. His kisses were sloppy, but he had technique and he seemed to be a fast learner. Leslie was getting very horny and she delighted in the fact that she could take this all the way with her rival. So she shoved her tongue down his throat.

Nearly gagging in response, Sheldon realized that he was going to have to step this up if he was going to show her that he was no idiot. He was going to make her see that he was one of the greatest minds that ever lived and that he was more proficient than her in every way. He shoved her tongue out of the way with his own and they fenced while he tried not to think about the exchange of saliva. Hoping to take her by surprise, he shoved her down on his desk and climbed on top of her.

'So, he likes to be on top," Leslie thought while she battled Sheldon with her mouth. 'Interesting.' She stored the information away for future verbal spars while she worked to unbutton her floral blouse.

Sheldon noticed that she was trying to undress. He thought about panicking, but again, he couldn't show her any weakness. Although he was a bit annoyed by his biological response to her, he decided to use it to his advantage. If she was going to try to take her clothes off, he was going to make her realize just what she was getting into. He thrust his hips up in between her legs.

Leslie faltered for a second on the last button when she felt his hardness grinding into her. Who knew Dr. Dumbass had a penis? She had to see this for herself. She abandoned her blouse and decided to work on his pants instead. With one hand, she gripped his hair as best as she could and pulled his head toward her, not letting him break the kisses. With the other, she expertly worked his button and fly on his pants.

Sheldon would have gasped in shock if Leslie had let him breath. He tried to pull his head away but she was surprisingly strong for such a small woman. All he could do was whimper as he felt her pull his penis from his pants. Grinding against her was definitely the wrong move, but he was in this too far to back out now. He moaned as she gripped him in her hands and he felt her hand move up and down. 'Oh God,' he thought since he couldn't say it out loud. He reached his hands under her skirt and pulled down her underwear hoping that he was still winning this. When her panties were off, he lifted her skirt up. He was tempted to look at what was now on display, but that would be telling, so he kept his face on hers.

This was going much faster than she had expected, but she couldn't slow down now. His cock was larger than she would have guessed and she shivered with anticipation. Breaking their kiss she nipped his jaw and neck as he gasped for breath. It was obvious he was not experienced with this, but he wasn't doing too badly. She decided to show him what was next by wrapping her legs around his hips and pulling forward with her legs.

Sheldon was slowly losing track of who was winning and what was going on and of pretty much everything as her legs pulled down on him. Although he wasn't sure of what he was doing, he knew what she was trying to do so he allowed himself to be pulled down and they both gasped as he entered her. For the first time, everything was still. They stayed where they were, nothing moving other than their chests as they breathed raggedly.

A wave of pleasure hit Leslie as she adjusted to his size. If she were a little less experienced this could have been uncomfortable since he was so large and she was only a small woman. But she was experienced and this was all kinds of wonderful. She began to move her hips up and down and reveled in the feel of him slipping in and out of her. Looking up at Sheldon, she saw that his eyes had glazed over with lust, all thought leaving him. The fact that it didn't take long proved to her that there was less going on in his head than he liked to think there was. She knew she was going to screw his brains right out.

They moved faster and faster and their hip bones banged together in his eager thrusting as they sped up moving together, heads swimming in passion. Groans, growls, moans and whimpers filled his office and got loader with each attack. Almost as quickly as it began, it ended in eruption as they climaxed in chorus. Sheldon fell down beside Leslie as all thought left their bodies and swirled in the air in front of them. He could almost see the Greek alphabet floating around before exploding like a firecracker and fading away.

"Wow," she almost said but thought slowly seeped back into her brain and she realized that Dr. Inexperienced Dumbass caused her to orgasm. She sneaked a peek at him. He was beautiful and he was pretty extraordinary if she thought about it. But she didn't want to think about it. She wanted to get the hell out of there before he opened his mouth and said something stupid.

"Drat. Now I have to disinfect my office."

Too late.

She sighed and rolled off of his desk, buttoning her top. She found her underwear and slipped it back on, trying not to watch as Sheldon redressed. Her entire body hummed and she figured that they were going to have to do that again sometime. Maybe with some different positions…

"Next time, try not to be so quick on the trigger." Leslie turned and walked toward the door hearing Sheldon sputter in fury behind her.

"Dumbass," she mumbled as she walked away.


	8. Acid Reflux Nightmare

**The Acid Reflux Nightmare**

(Based on food trope)

"Penny, I have to say, I'm quite impressed with your ability to trowel food into your mouth at such a high rate. It almost defies the laws of physics."

Penny opened her mouth at Sheldon and gave him a good eye full of her thoroughly chewed dumpling. Sheldon scowled at her.

"You know, for someone with a physique such as yourself I'm surprised by the amount you eat. You really should slow down, though. I've heard on numerous occasions that one can get nightmares from heartburn inducing foods."

"That only happens on TV," she replied with her mouth full, much to Sheldon's disgust. "Besides, isn't that your second box of Chicken with Broccoli. You're not really going easy on the hot mustard there yourself."

"I don't get heartburn."

"Whatever," she said picking up another dumpling. "Whack-a-doodle," she said under her breath. Of course Sheldon heard her.

That night Penny tossed and turned in her bed, her chest in pain. "Damn you, Sheldon!" she said to no one in particular and got up to take some medicine. She returned to her bed with a glass of cool water and attempted to sleep again. She had just closed her eyes when she was roused from the bed by a knock that was almost as bad as nails on a chalk board.

*knock knock knock*

"Penny."

*knock knock knock*

"Penny."

*knock knock knock*

"Penny."

She growled a little, actually growled and got up to answer the door. Sheldon stood on the other side, looking as crazy as ever in his khaki pants and his brown shoes, holding a rose, layering his comic-book t-shirt over his thermal…wait hold on. A rose? She looked closely, and sure enough, he was holding a single red rose out to her.

"Sheldon, what is this?" Penny managed to say.

"I have been meaning to tell you this for some time," he started to say, unwavering in his gaze. "I'm head over heels for you, Penny." He reached out for her, eyes closed and lips puckered. She backed away hands in front of her and eyes wide. "What's wrong?" Sheldon asked when he sensed she was no longer near him and he followed her into the apartment and closed the door behind him.

"Sheldon, sweetie, I think you're confused."

"No, I'm not. I've never felt more sure of anything in my life. Well, that's not entirely true. For example I'm sure that Leonard's work is completely derivative and I'm entirely certain that aluminum was the original name for the element despite what they call it in Europe…"

"Yes you are confused, Sheldon," she interrupted and put her hands to her temples and sat on the sofa. She tried not to back away when he came and sat next to her. "It's late and you've been on the edge of a breakthrough with your whole string thingy. I know sometimes that kind of thing can put a lot of pressure a person, but this isn't the way we deal with it. We're friends, Sheldon, and friends don't do this kind of thing. We can talk about it if you want, but what I feel for you is friendship. Nothing more." She saw his jaw set tighter, though she wasn't sure if that was from being rejected or from her saying "string thingy". Sheldon took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. Then he leaned in quickly and kissed her.

Penny went stiff and tried to push Sheldon off of her. But something made her stop. Perhaps it was the sweet, yet passionate way he was kissing her, maybe it was her lack of sleep, but she started to kiss him back. The kiss became harder and she opened her mouth to allow his tongue in. Together they explored each other's mouths and before long Penny was leaning back and Sheldon was on top of her. He stopped for only a moment to place the rose on the coffee table and then he was back, one hand in her hair, the other grasping at her waist while his mouth was on hers, nibbling at her bottom lip.

She let out a moan and Sheldon took that as permission to take it further. He moved so that they were hip to hip and he started to grind into her. Penny would have been shocked if she wasn't so turned on by it all. She softly pushed him off of her and grabbed his hand, dragging him into the bedroom. There was a look in his eye she'd never seen before and she was completely turned on by it.

They fell into bed together and began grinding again, but this time with Penny on top. Yanked the bottom of his stupid comic book shirt and he helped her get it off of him. Next she lifted her own top off and undid the hook on her bra, not wanting the moment to be ruined if for some reason Sheldon couldn't manage the clasp. She thought that perhaps being topless would scare Sheldon off, but he put his hand on her side and began rubbing her nipple as they continued to grind. The intense feeling of his long fingers on her breast made her stomach drop and she began to feel wet. She leaned forward and undid the buttons on his pants with her teeth. Yeah, she knew what she was doing. Sheldon gasped and helped her pull his pants and his underwear off and then helped her with her own. In the heat of the moment, she doesn't know how it happened, but she was on top of him and he was inside of her and their hips moved in a perfect rhythm. There was gasping and panting and sweat mixing, bodily fluids mingling, germs transferring…

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sheldon woke up screaming. He panicked and looked around him, wide eyed but he was in his own bed, fully clothed and alone. He leaned back and put his head down on his pillow trying to erase the images from his head despite his eidetic memory.

"From now on," he thought as pushed out the images from his nightmare, "no more spicy mustard."


End file.
